


Stand

by Treble_Child



Category: Marianas Trench
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fanfiction, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, JATT - Freeform, Kidnapping, M/M, Marianas Trench - Freeform, Oral Sex, Past Torture, Physical Abuse, Sad, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-03-17 11:56:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3528512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treble_Child/pseuds/Treble_Child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a traumatic event changes Josh’s life forever, Matt shows just how good of a friend he can be.</p><p>Josh is kidnapped and tortured. This picks up after he has returned home and the trial is about to begin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dontlietomehoney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontlietomehoney/gifts).



> My very first Fanfiction ever created! I started this back in 2011! It is still a WIP because I am busy and a bit stuck, but I WILL finish this. Thanks for reading. This story is also on my tumblr: treble-child.tumblr.com

It was the morning of the first day of the trial and Matt was struggling to just keep his composure as he searched for his shoes under the bed in his temporary room.  It had been almost a month since Matt had come to stay with his friend; almost a month since Josh had been released from the hospital. It had been three months before then that the police finally found Josh-bruised, battered, and half dead- in a diner bathroom nearly 50 miles from home, a waitress trying to keep him alive while the perpetrators only made it 5 miles down the road before they were apprehended.  It had been just over 4 months ago when Josh had gone missing, but none of that mattered as Matt tried to make his tired mind work so he could finish getting ready.

Matt had been up since dawn. He had showered, ate a light breakfast, and had even taken Bennie out for a small walk. The sound of water running across the hall told Matt that Josh had just now woken up which meant that, by the time they made it out of the house, they would still have to speed to make it on time. They didn’t have to be to the courthouse until 9:00am, but already Josh’s mother had called twice to make sure the boys were running on time. Both times Matt had answered, and both times he had to lie, not only about their timeliness, but also concerning why her son wasn’t answering his own phone. Matt felt guilty for lying to Corlynn, like he was just another piece of scum adding to the stress that she was already feeling, even if she would never find out, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth. If she had known that Josh had been up all night dealing with nightmares from his time away from home, then she surely would’ve come even more unglued than she already was, and Matt was almost certain that was worse than the possibility of her realizing that Matt was being less than truthful.

Matt was still contemplating his standing with Josh’s parents when, 15 minutes later, Josh came into the room and took a seat beside Matt. His shaggy hair, which he had dyed completely black at the suggestion of his lawyer, was still wet, his dress pants had obviously not been folded before he had put them on, and his dress shirt was unbuttoned exposing the scarred skin underneath. The closer Matt looked he could also see that Josh’s shoes remained untied and his hands were shaking as he twisted them around in his lap. That shaking was a side effect of the horrors that he had experienced at the hand of his captors, something that the doctors had said would eventually disappear just as his bruises had. Matt had also noticed that Josh had been limping when he had traveled into the room, just another wound that only time could heal.

“Would you mind helping me with my shirt and shoes?” Josh asked, breaking Matt out of his own head.

“Sure,” Matt smiled as he knelt and quickly tied Josh’s shoelaces tight. He then stood and went to work at the pearlescent buttons. “But you know that if you never try this on your own, then you will never be able to dazzle the ladies again with your dashing dress, right!?”

Josh gave his friend a melancholy grin, before standing to tuck his shirt into his pants.

“Besides,” Matt continued, grabbing his jacket and starting down the hall not bothering to see if Josh was following. “I can’t live with you forever. I mean, it’s been fun, but this whole living with a guy really hasn’t helped my dating prowess any more than living with my parents did.”

Matt stopped by the kitchen to grab the car keys before he started out the door. “I take it that I am also going to drive?”

When he reached the car and still didn’t get an answer Matt turned around to make sure that Josh was following. What he saw was a very tired, and sad, looking man struggling to do up his tie in the door way and when, after what seemed like an eternity but was really only about 30 seconds, Josh still couldn’t get it, Matt sighed and trudged back up the walk, his shoes crunching over the dying autumn leaves.

“I’m sorry.” Josh mumbled his voice barely audible over the sound of the wind. “I am so sorry, Matt, for everything.”

Matt sighed as he did up Josh’s tie and then stepped back to take a better look at his friend. He had thought that joking around and acting like nothing had really changed would do Josh some good; that it would make everything seem right. The truth was, though, that everything about Josh’s world had changed, and Matt in an attempt to make things feel right had just come across as insensitive.

“Don’t you dare apologize for this,” Matt started as he reached out and gripped Josh’s shoulder “This never was and never will be your fault. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. I’m the one who has been acting like a Jackass lately.”

Josh smiled at that and reached up to push Matt’s hand back down. “Well, you have always been kind of a Jackass, so don’t worry about it. I’m used to it by now.”

Matt glanced down at his discarded hand before looking back up at Josh. “Why don’t we head to the courthouse now? We’ll be late if we stay here and talk about my shortcomings for much longer.”

This gained an even wider smile out of Josh. “My mom called this morning, didn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Matt said as he turned and started back towards the car. “And that is something you should apologize for. Having to lie to your mom made me feel like shit.”

Josh chuckled as he pulled open the passenger door and stuck his left leg in. “Well, if you don’t say anything to the contrary then I won’t. Now, let’s get to the courthouse. We have a long day ahead of us and I would like to try and make it through without resorting to caffeine.”

Matt nodded out of understanding and worked his way into the driver’s seat. “You ready for this?”

Josh fastened his seatbelt and let out a long sigh. “I don’t think I will ever truly be ready for this, but I’ve got to make sure that that guy gets what he deserves, Matt. I won’t be able to live again until I know that I fought back, that he didn’t break me. I need some kind of control back.”

With that, Matt simply nodded and started off in the direction of the courthouse. The only thing he felt in control of was the car, and even that was a fleeting feeling.

~~~

Corlynn paced nervously up and down the hall as she awaited the arrival of her only son; the son she had almost lost less than 4 months ago. Sitting on a bench, not more than 5 feet away, was the rest of Corlynn’s family. Her husband, Miles, was silently fixing his tie, while their daughter Sara tried to keep from staring at the door that her little brother should’ve walked through minutes ago.  Mike and Ian, who had come to show support for their friend, were also sitting there talking quietly among themselves as the hands on the clock moved closer and closer to 9:00am.

“I thought you said that they were running on time when you called?” Josh’s attorney, Michelle, spoke up from her place on another bench close by.

Corlynn turned to the woman whom they had hired to help win the case against the man who had destroyed their lives and sighed. “That’s what Matt said, but now I can’t be so sure.”

“You should’ve known as soon as Matt answered the phone that they were running behind.” Sara scoffed as she moved to stand by her mother, who was now nervously eying the door. “Anytime that Josh doesn’t answer his own phone there is always something going on that shouldn’t be.”

Corlynn turned her gaze to Sara, and hoped that her eyes conveyed just how much that statement hurt her.

“God! Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Sara quickly supplied and backed away to sit back by her father

Corlynn just shook her head realizing that her daughter was just as worn down as she was. “I know, honey. I know.”

“Well if they don’t get here soon, we are going to have a hard time explaining ourselves to the Judge.” Michelle started up again. “The courts run on a strict schedule. Josh knows that he really was supposed to be here early. I know that this has been hard on your family, Corlynn, but-“

Michelle stopped as the double doors at the front pulled open and Josh and Matt walked in. It was 8:58.

“Josh!” Corlynn exclaimed as she walked up to envelope her son in a hug “We were beginning to worry.”

“Sorry Mom.” Josh mumbled as he held her tightly.

“We’re here now, though.” Matt offered an apologetic smile as Corlynn moved to give him a quick hug too.

“Yeah, I guess you are right.” Corlynn said as she stepped back to survey both boys, before turning to Michelle. “What do we do now?”

“Well, they should allow your family and the boys,” She nodded towards Mike, Ian, and Matt while picking up her briefcase “to take your seats in a matter of minutes. Josh needs to come with me. We have a few things to discuss before the hearing gets underway.”

Corlynn couldn’t help but smile as Josh nervously started to straighten his clothes under the watchful eye of Michelle. She was nice, and had been extremely caring through the whole process, but Corlynn knew that Michelle made Josh nervous when she just watched him like she was doing now. Corlynn moved to give her son yet another hug as her husband did the same. Soon everyone was jumbled into something that resembled a group hug, with Josh struggling for breath in the middle.

“I love you, honey.” She began as the group disbanded until she was the only one left holding Josh. “I love you so much, and just know that no matter what happens in the next few days that that will never change.”

“I know mom. I love you too.” Her heart broke as her son pulled away to give her a quick smile before nodding and breaking off the hug completely.

“We really should get going now.” Michelle intervened gently. “We are already a bit behind the schedule we had set out for before the trial.”

Corlynn nodded and moved to stand next to her husband.

“Do you think we will ever recover from this?” She asked him as they watched Josh follow Michelle down the hall and eventually disappear around the corner.

Miles put his arm around her before answering. “We raised a strong boy. That’s got to mean that we are all strong enough to move past this.”

Corlynn leaned in against him and watched as the hall slowly began to clear. People were being ushered into the courtroom. “Let’s go get our seats, shall we?”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh testifies in court

Matt tried hard not to fidget as he watched the faces of the jury, finally making the decision to sit on his hands just so he could regain some sense of stillness. His heart was hammering against his chest as he switched his gaze to watch Michelle rise from her seat and approach the witness stand, where Josh had just been sworn in. He had only been seated up there for a matter of minutes, but Matt could tell that the time Josh had spent sitting during opening statements had taken its toll on his friend. Not only did Josh look much more pale than usual, but his hands, which he had regained some control over in the car, were shaking furiously as he clamped them together tight in his lap.

As Michelle finally reached the stand and inhaled to ask her first question, Matt felt his stomach twist and nearly jump into his throat. It had been no secret that Josh would take the stand and recount his nearly 3 weeks of captivity. After all, he was the prosecutors best witness; the only person who could really explain what it felt like to be so close to death at the hands of another person, but it didn’t make it any easier as Michelle finally spoke.

“Josh,” She began and pointed to the dark haired man sitting in the defendant’s chair. “Is that the man who abducted you and held you captive for 3 weeks?”

“Yes.” Josh stated quietly, struggling to look in that direction. “Yes, that is him.”

Michelle nodded and allowed a brief pause to look up at the Judge, an older gentleman with balding gray hair, before continuing.

“I am going to need you to explain, from the beginning, what happened during your time with him, a little more loudly too, please.”

Josh took a deep breath, the sound resonating through the nearly silent room. The only other sound Matt could hear was his own breathing, which was coming in a little more ragged than usual as he prepared himself to hear what Josh had to say. Every one of them had heard bits and pieces of the story before, but Josh had never told the whole thing all at once or in very great detail, and it made Matt sick to realize that now that he was finally going to hear it all so were several strangers. 12 of which would decide the fate of the man who had made the gruesome story possible. A man, who before then, had simply been known as Evan, but now his name carried dangerous implications; implications Matt was hoping would prove to be inescapable.

“It was Saturday,” Josh began, his voice wavering and he took another breath to try and steady himself. “The weather was decent enough for late June, and I decided to take a walk to try and clear my head. I had been working pretty hard on stuff for the band for several weeks, and it was my first real day off in a while. A walk sounded like a good idea. I tried to call Matt to see if he wanted to meet me at a café several blocks from both of our apartments, but I didn’t get an answer, so I decided to go to the park instead.”

Michelle nodded and quickly interjected a question before Josh could continue. “Did you leave Matt a message?”

Josh shook his head. “No, but he did call me while I was out. I told him not to worry about meeting me and that I would just see him in the studio on Monday.”

“Wait, so he called you after you had left your house? Were you at the park already?”

“He called me right as I reached the park. I’d say it was 10 minutes after I had left my place.”

“So you had already made it to the park when he called, and you were only on the phone long enough to tell him not to worry about your previous call and that you would see him again after the weekend? Am I correct?”

“Yes.” Josh said and then stopped uncertain of where to pick up with his story.

Michelle noticing this asked a couple more questions. “How far is the park from your house Josh? Do you go there often?”

Matt thought he saw Josh relax just a bit as Michelle picked up on his uncertainty.

“The park is 8 blocks from my house. I go there all the time with my dog Bennie. It is part of our walking routine.”

“But you didn’t take Bennie with you this time? What did you do at the park? How long were you there?” Michelle asked, pausing between each question to allow everyone to keep up.

“I had already taken Bennie for a walk early that morning and she was asleep when I left anyway. I didn’t have the heart to wake her. Like I said, my original plan was to meet up with Matt anyway. I only changed my mind when he didn’t answer his phone. As for what I did at the park, I mostly just walked around and sat by the pond and watched the ducks for a while. I even took an empty swing later on, when the kids started to leave the park. I had gotten to the park around 5pm and I didn’t leave until closer to 7:30. I was there for around 2 and half hours.”

“So it was just starting to get dark when you left? How did you walk home? Did you take the same route that you had taken to the park?”

Josh nodded again and then elaborated when he noticed everyone was waiting for him to speak. “Yeah, it wasn’t very dark at all when I left the park. And I live on the same street as the park, so I just had to get back to the sidewalk and then it was a straight shot. I live on Pierce by the way.”

Matt tried to hide the smile that played at his lips as he noticed Josh start to blush. It wasn’t that he thought it was funny, it was just that he knew Josh was getting nervous again and was probably feeling a bit embarrassed about admitting that he had been playing on the children toys at the park, even though most adults had done it at some point. Matt also knew that he was smiling because otherwise he probably wouldn’t be able to deal with what was coming.

“Had you walked that street often in the dark? Did you feel at all threatened or uneasy on your way home?”

“I walk home in the dark all the time and I have never felt uneasy about it.” Josh said the tension once again clear on his face and in his hands. “That’s why it came as such a shock when I felt someone grab me from behind.”

“Go on.” Michelle prompted while folding her hands in front of her.

“Well,” Matt noticed Josh swallow hard and he couldn’t help but mimic the action. “There is an alley right by my building and the one next to it. My building is on the far corner of my block. Anyway, I was just passing it when someone wrapped their arms around me and pulled me into the alley. I could still see the street but I am pretty sure we were so far back in the alley that no one would be able to see me. My arms were pinned to my sides by the persons arm and his other arm came up to my neck. He was holding a knife and he told me that I had better not say a word or I wouldn’t live to see the next car drive by.”

The courtroom was quiet for a moment before Josh continued.

“I honestly thought that I was being robbed. All I had on me was my wallet with some loose cash in it, my keys, and my phone, but I thought that there was no way that the guy who was holding me knew that. So I just stayed still, while someone else started digging around in my pockets.”

“So there were two people in the alley with you?” Michelle questioned quickly.

“Yes.” Josh stated matter-of-factly. So far, he was holding it together pretty well.

“Could you see either of them?”

“No, but I could hear them both moving around behind me. I also could see the person’s hands that were digging in my pockets and I noticed that the finger nails were painted red.”

“Did they take anything from you?”

“The person dug around until they found my wallet and then the two of them whispered something to each other. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I thought maybe they would just take the cash and then let me go. Instead I felt something that was wet get pressed over my nose and mouth. It smelled horrible, but I was forced to breathe it in because they were holding it so tightly over my face and the knife was still at my throat so I couldn’t pull away.”

“What happened next?” Michelle prompted

 “Things got really fuzzy really fast and then everything went dark. I think that is when I passed out.” He blurted, barely giving Michelle any time to ask her question. Matt noticed that Josh was starting to sweat.

“Okay. So you passed out in the alley. What was it like when you regained consciousness?” She moved on unfazed.

“My head, neck, and shoulders all hurt really badly, like when you get a migraine and you just can’t shake it. I knew I was inside because it was really warm, like someone had a heater going and I could hear water running somewhere close to me. I also couldn’t move, see, or speak.”

Matt started shaking as Josh approached the worst part of his ordeal. The part that had lasted the longest and made Matt want to kill the person who had ever thought it would be okay to do such things. He was still trying to get his anger under control as Josh explained that his hands were bound, he was blindfolded, and gagged, and it was all Matt could do to keep from breaking down right there.  Luckily for Matt, Mike noticed his distress and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He left it there while Michelle asked another question and Josh responded.

“Do you know how long you were left like that before someone came to where you were?”

“No, not really,” Josh struggled, his voice hitching in his throat. “I just know that I was thinking about how hungry I was and then I heard someone open and close a door. Then they reached behind my head and undid my blindfold. When it slid off of my face there was a girl and a man standing there. She was holding a tray, she had red nails, and he was holding a gun.”

Josh went on to explain that he realized instantly that he was sitting in a bathtub in what he assumed was the man and woman’s house. He also stated that the man and woman introduced themselves as Evan and Claire; before they went on to explain their plan. Apparently they had been watching Josh for a while and knew that he was in a band. They were in the business of making easy money and they assumed that he had quite a bit or someone close to him did. Eventually, they told him, they hatched the plan to take him for ransom.

“Although it seemed really twisted, it made enough sense to me.” Josh said, he was sweating even more now, but Matt didn’t sense any panic in his voice, at least not yet. “Evan told me that he was going to send out a ransom note the next morning and that he would hold me until the money came. Then, when they had the money they would take me to a predetermined spot and dump me while they made their escape. Apparently they had done this before, with success. I was still worried about what would happen if their plan didn’t go according to plan, but I wasn’t allowed to speak and Evan eventually left me alone with Claire who only told me that Evan’s bite wasn’t nearly as bad as his bark. I couldn’t get free, so I just decided to not put up a fight.”  

Over the course of the next 15 minutes Michelle spouted off even more questions pertaining to Josh’s first week in custody and Josh answered them completely. Apparently, the first week had been pretty nonchalant. Evan didn’t come back into the bathroom and the only interaction Josh had was with Claire, who would show up at normal intervals to feed him, and help him attend to other duties. Josh also learned that Claire was Evan’s longstanding girlfriend, that they had been together since her parent’s had kicked her out of the house at the age of 18, and even though he could be kind of rough sometimes, he was all she had and she truly thought that he loved her. The whole time, Josh tried to remain calm and collected, to not cause a stir hoping that someone had received the ransom note and that the police were working the case. He explained to the whole courtroom, that the only thing that kept him sane was the idea that any day he would walk free, well that, and the fact that Claire was at least making an effort to be nice to him, even if she  only saw him as a way to make some money. Things didn’t get bad for Josh until the media had somehow became involved and Evan found out that the police had intercepted the ransom.

“He just got really angry after that.” Josh began again after the court had been allowed a small break. Matt noticed that Josh was shaking even more now. “He would come into the bathroom drunk and waving a weapon around, usually a knife and he would tell me that if he didn’t get his money soon he was going to kill me. I started seeing less and less of Claire and more and more of Evan. One night, he came into the bathroom with a tray of food, but instead of giving it to me; he threw the food into the trash and told me that it was time to give the people on the outside world some incentive to get things moving.”

Josh stopped suddenly, causing the whole courtroom to stir. It was obvious that he was struggling to maintain his composure and Matt just hoped that the next part of questioning would pass quickly, even though he was almost certain that this was the part that would take the longest.

“What happened, Josh?” Michelle almost pleaded, trying to keep things moving; trying to get the whole story before she lost Josh to the encroaching emotional breakdown.

“He beat me with the tray.” Josh sputtered into the microphone on the stand. “Then after a few minutes of that, he tossed the tray to the side and decided to use his fists instead.”

“Did you try to defend yourself?” Michelle asked gently as Josh reached up to brush something away from underneath his eye. Was he crying? Matt was almost certain that he was.

“I couldn’t.” Josh went on to explain that his hands were still bound behind his back and that he didn’t have much room to move in the tub they had placed him in.

“How long did that beating last?” Michelle almost sighed.

“I-I don’t know. Things got really fuzzy after he moved to hitting me with his fists.” Josh admitted. Matt saw that his friend was crying freely now and it was all he could do to keep it together himself.

After that Josh stated that Evan reappeared every night for the rest of the week to beat him, and that when Claire finally returned one day to feed him as before, she was also sporting a black eye. She wouldn’t tell Josh where she had gotten it, but Josh wasn’t feeling well enough to ask her anyway. Apparently days without any food or real sleep had taken a toll on the young singer’s body and he had fallen ill; so ill, in fact, that Claire had tried to talk Evan into taking him to the hospital, but Evan who was slowly realizing that his plan wasn’t going to work would have none of it. Josh explained that somewhere in the middle of his third week with Evan and Claire, he was once again blindfolded and moved. He realized a short time later that he was in a moving vehicle and he could hear Claire and Evan having a heated argument in the front seat.

“What were they talking about?” Michelle questioned a now distraught Josh.

By now, Matt had also given himself over to his emotions, and as he looked up and down the bench he was sitting on, he realized that everyone else in the band, as well as Josh’s family, had too.

“Me.” Josh sniffled.

According to Josh, Claire was telling Evan that it should never have gone as far as it had and that she didn’t understand why they had to skip town, especially with Josh in tow. From what Josh heard, Claire wanted to dump Josh somewhere where he could be easily found and then run. Evan, however, said that they wouldn’t dump Josh until he said so and that if she didn’t like the way that he was running things then he would dump her too. That apparently put an end to the conversation and Josh explained that they rode on in silence for probably the next hour until Evan began to complain that he was hungry. That is how they had ended up in the ramshackle diner that Josh would later be recovered in.

Before entering the diner, Josh’s blindfold had been removed and his hands unbound. Claire had even taken a compact from her purse and tried to cover the bruises that were still apparent on his face. He had then been forced to change into clothes that were a bit too big for him and to top it all off, Evan handed him a pair of sunglasses. When asked why he didn’t try to run, Josh explained that he was too weak to even walk completely on his own; Claire had had to support him until they had been seated at a table, and so he had been pretty sure that if he had tried to run he wouldn’t have made it very far anyway. Josh answered the question of why he hadn’t asked the waitress for help by explaining that he was afraid of what Evan might do. He had watched Evan stow a knife and a gun in his pockets before they had entered the diner, and he wanted to make sure that Evan didn’t find an excuse to use them and possibly hurt more people. That wasn’t to say that the waitress didn’t show concern as she asked Josh not once but twice if he was okay. It was after the second time that Evan became angered and ended up dragging Josh to the bathroom.

“Did he tell you why he was taking you with him?” Michelle asked Josh about Evan’s behavior.

Josh shook his head and tried to reign in his tears enough to answer the question. “No. I thought that maybe he had to use the bathroom and just didn’t trust me alone with Claire. I realized how wrong I was after the bathroom door had swung shut.”

“What happened then?” Michelle crossed her arms in front of her chest as if to brace herself for the last part of the story.

Matt couldn’t help but reach over and grab Sara’s hand. He felt like he was going to lose it at any second. Sara simply clutched his hand and tried to smile in his direction. Her little brother’s story had caused her to start crying, making her mascara run in streaks down her cheeks. Matt could only imagine what his own face looked like.

“Evan pushed me against the sink counter and told me that I was going to die right there.” Josh cracked “He pulled the gun from his pocket and pointed it at my face, but before he could shoot, Claire came bursting into the bathroom.”

 Evan and Claire proceeded to argue causing Evan to back off of Josh enough that he was able to fall to the floor. Somewhere in the argument, Josh went on to explain, Evan forgot that he was holding the gun and must’ve accidently pulled the trigger because there was a sound like a firecracker going off and then Josh had felt immense pain in his abdomen and back. In the final moments of the story, Evan had ran out of the bathroom with Claire tailing him and the same waitress that had been waiting on their table came into the bathroom and had knelt by Josh telling him that help was on the way. Josh said the last thing he remembered was the waitress giving him a sad smile as she reached down to take his hand. 

The rest of the prosecution’s argument passed by in a blur with Michelle questioning not only the waitress from the diner, several police officers,  and the doctor who had examined Josh, but also Claire. Matt assumed that she had decided to speak on behalf of the Prosecution as part of a plea deal, or maybe she really had developed some sort of bond with Josh or she had grown to hate Evan for all of the shit he had put her through, but regardless of the reason Matt still found it hard to listen as she blabbered away about how she had left a note for the waitress explaining the situation before she had stormed into the bathroom. All Matt could focus on was Josh, who was now seated back at his chair with his head down and his shoulders shaking.

_It’s going to be okay._ He thought as he stared at the back of Josh’s head. _Everything will work out, and it is going to be okay! Josh you have to believe –_

“-and we will reconvene tomorrow morning at 10:00am” The sudden bass of the Judge’s voice broke Matt away from his thoughts.

“What’s happening?” He quickly whispered to Mike as people began to exit the courtroom.

“The prosecution is going to rest.” Mike said as he stood and turned to follow Ian from the row. “Weren’t you listening to the last bit of what was just said?”

“I’m sorry.” Matt glanced back to the front of the room, but Josh had already gone. “I was a bit distracted.”

Mike gave him a sad smile as he pulled on his coat. “I understand. That story was hard to hear, huh?”

Matt nodded, realizing that his cheeks felt tight from the tears that he had shed earlier that day. Was Josh still crying? He couldn’t help but wonder as he followed Mike out into the lobby.

 “Yeah, Mike, it was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading this. It is posted on my page and another blog on tumblr. My blog is treble-child.tumblr.com if you wish to take a look. I will warn you that my blog has become predominantly One Direction, but I still post Marianas Trench stuff from time to time along with Teen Wolf, cats, and various other things that strike my fancy. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! You readers are the best!


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh has a nightmare and Matt helps him fall back to sleep. There's a bath involved.

_“Evan st-stop! Please!” Josh cried as Evan punched him hard in the stomach._

_Josh felt utterly defenseless as the breath left his lungs with yet another blow. His hands, which were tied behind his back, were of no use to him. His gag, which had slipped from his mouth and was now hanging loosely around his neck, was wet with his tears and stained red from the blood dripping from his lip and nose. Josh had lost track of how long Evan had been beating him, and he knew that it wasn’t going to end any time soon no matter how loudly he pleaded, but that didn’t stop him from crying out as Evan’s alcohol fueled fists made contact with his body._

_“What was that?” Evan’s words we slurred and his eyes slightly glazed, but his fists stopped briefly as he stared down at Josh. “Are you really asking me to stop?!”_

_Josh didn’t know what to say as he glanced up at the dark haired man who was hovering over him. Josh always cried out for Evan to stop when the beatings started, but he had never managed to actually get Evan to pull his hands away. This was definitely uncharted territory he was entering._

_“I just-it,” Josh winced. “It hurts.” He finally whispered._

_Evan reached down and roughly pulled Josh’s gag back to its original place around his mouth. “Damn straight, it hurts!” He shouted before forming his hands back into fists. “And you deserve every bit of this!”_

_All Josh could do was turn his head as yet another blow made contact with his already tender mid-section with a sickening sound, the only other sound in the room was that of Josh’s choked sobs._

_~~~_

Matt jerked awake as something crashed against his side.

“What the hell!” he breathed as he looked in the direction of the assault.

Curled up beside him on the couch and illuminated by the blue screen of the television was a very feverish looking Josh, who also happened to be moaning and thrashing in the small space he had allotted himself. His clothes, the same ones he had been wearing while at the trial, were rumpled, and his hair was standing on end from all of his movement. Matt sighed as he realized that they must’ve both fallen asleep while watching the movie they had popped in after returning to Josh’s apartment earlier that evening. The clock on the wall read 10:00pm.

“Josh.” Matt called softly as he reached down and placed a hand on Josh’s arm. “Josh, you’re having a nightmare. C’mon, time to wake up!”

Josh cried out and jerked his arm out of Matt’s hand, this time rolling himself into a tight ball.

“Oh, Josh.” Matt tried two hands this time, giving Josh a slight shake as he rose to his feet. “Josh, you’re okay. It’s just a nightmare.”

Josh whimpered, but didn’t try to pull away. Was he closer to waking up?

“Josh! You can’t sleep on the couch all night! You need better rest than this. Come on! Josh!” Matt almost shouted with another firm shake.

Almost instantly Josh rocketed into a sitting position, his eyes springing open but there wasn’t a hint of recognition in them as he stared, out of focus, in Matt’s direction. He looked frantic, almost like a trapped animal, and for a minute Matt wasn’t sure if Josh was really awake or not. After a moment, though, the tension in Josh’s body relaxed and his eyes found Matt’s right before he wrapped his arms tightly around the brunette’s waist and buried his face in Matt’s chest.

 Matt let out a slow breath before gently placing his arms around Josh’s shoulders. It was awkward holding onto Josh while he was still seated and Matt was standing, but Matt knew that if he tried to pull away he would only upset his friend even more.

“What was this one about? Do you want to talk about it?” Matt asked after a few minutes

“No.” Josh shook his head and pulled away from Matt. “What time is it?”

“Just after 10:00pm. We should probably get to bed if we plan on running on time tomorrow.” Matt held out his hand to help Josh off of the couch. “C’mon, I will help you change into your PJs.”

Josh reached out and clutched Matt’s hand before trying to stand. Matt was instantly surprised by how warm the older boy’s hand was because usually he was freezing and as Josh stood and stumbled forcing Matt to wrap his arm around Josh’s waist to steady him he realized that it wasn’t just Josh’s hand that was warm but his whole body. The older boy was burning up and dripping in sweat.

“I should probably shower first.” Josh yawned and took a few tentative steps towards the hall, Matt clutching him tightly to make sure he didn’t fall.

“Josh,” Matt began and looked at his friend with worry. “You were barely able to get up from the couch. So tell me how do you plan on standing in the shower long enough to get clean?”

Josh let out another small yawn and leaned against Matt more heavily.

“I don’t know, Matty, but I will figure it out. I do know that I am not going to go to bed looking and feeling like I just ran 5 miles in the middle of August!”

Matt had to resist the urge to snort at his friend’s humor as they reached Josh’s bedroom and Matt helped him to sit on the edge of the bed before turning to the dresser to grab a clean pair of boxers and sweats.

“How about,” Matt began as the idea suddenly popped into his head. “I draw a bath for you and then while you SIT in the tub and get clean I can sit there and make sure that you don’t fall asleep and drown. I’ll even help you if you need it.”

Josh snorted loudly before crossing his arms in front of his chest protectively.

“Matt Webb, you ARE NOT giving me a bath!” The seriousness of his tone was lost, however, as he let out a long yawn at the end of his sentence.

“Why not?” Matt asked and crossed his own arms over his chest while moving to tower over the sitting boy in front of him. “I helped you take plenty of baths for the first week and a half that I lived here.”

“I couldn’t walk when you first moved in.” Josh stated dryly although Matt was almost certain that he could see his resolve wavering. “I can take care of myself now! You are only staying here in case something really bad happens.”

Matt just stared down at Josh and silently began counting the seconds in his head. He had just reached 75 when Josh finally broke.

“Fine,” He threw his hands in the air and glared at Matt. “I will let you help me but you had better not do anything weird.”

Matt just rolled his eyes before he turned and headed for the bathroom.

10 minutes later and Matt had finally managed to strip his friend down and get him in the tub. It had been a messy endeavor with Josh practically cursing and writhing the whole time while Matt tried to calm him down and convince him that what was happening was simply one friend helping out another and he would never let the events leave the room. Eventually, Josh relented and allowed Matt to help him to sit in the porcelain basin with his knees drawn to his chest and his eyes half closed as Matt massaged the shampoo into Josh’s scalp.

Both boys remained silent for the majority of the bath. Josh just sat there with his eyes drooping and then springing open again as Matt scrubbed down his hair and body and tried not the chuckle at how funny his best friend looked almost falling asleep. In fact, it wasn’t until Matt reached for the plug to start the water draining from the tub that Josh grabbed at his hand and held it tightly. Matt tried to keep his breathing steady as the blue eyed  boy stared at him for several seconds before dropping his hand and leaning across the side of the tub to wrap his long arms around Matt’s neck. Matt gasped at the sudden gesture and the feeling of water dripping down his shirt before he wrapped his own arms around Josh’s back and held him tightly, one hand going to run through Josh’s hair. It was only then, that Matt noticed that Josh was trembling.

“I’m scared.” Josh whispered and buried his head in the crook of Matt’s neck.

“Scared?” Matt’s head was swimming and he tried hard to focus more on his friend’s words than the feeling of butterflies that had suddenly erupted in his stomach. “What are you scared of, Joshie?

Josh let out a big sigh and pulled Matt impossibly closer.

“Everything,” He whimpered “I am scared that I will never fully recover, or that Evan might not be punished severely enough or at all.”

Matt rubbed his friends back and just stared at the tiles on the wall.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Josh. I am right here for you and I am not going anywhere. Well until you tell me to anyway.”

Josh pulled back then and looked at Matt for a long time. His blues eyes looked lost and hopeful at the same time.

“Really?”

Matt smiled and stood to grab Josh a towel as the tub was almost completely empty at that point.

“Yep!” Matt said popping the “p” and wrapping Josh in the towel before he helped him to stand.

The pair then made their way out of the bathroom and Josh once again sat at the end of his bed and allowed Matt to help him into the boxers and sweats from earlier. Once Josh was fully clothed and Matt had tossed the towel back to the tile floor of the bathroom, Matt helped Josh to lie down on the bed and pulled the sheets and comforter up to his chin. Josh smiled quietly up at Matt but extracted one of his arms from the blanket to grab Matt’s hand before he could turn away.

“Matt?” Josh asked, a pink tint coloring his cheeks.

Matt smiled down at him and squeezed his hand gently.

“Yeah, Josh?”

“W-would you mind sleeping in here tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

Matt furrowed his brows and gnawed at his bottom lip. He was already dressed for bed as he had changed when they had first made it back to the apartment earlier that evening, but he wasn’t sure if Josh really wanted a companion or was just still a bit shaken from his dream on the couch.

“Are you sure Josh?” Matt reached behind his head with his free hand to scratch at his neck.

Josh gnawed at his own lip for about 10 seconds before he gave a definitive nod.

“Yes, I am sure.”

Matt smiled then and waited patiently as Josh moved over in the bed to make room, never once disconnecting their hands. After a few more minutes of Matt struggling to set the alarm clock one handed he finally got it and switched off the light. It was then that Josh pulled Matt’s arm around his waist still clutching his hand and moved backwards until his back was flush against Matt’s chest. The butterflies in Matt’s stomach had increased ten-fold but he tried not to make too much out of it as he snuggled his face into the back of Josh’s neck and tangled their feet together at the end of the bed.

“Goodnight Josh.” He breathed causing some of Josh’s hair to tickle his nose.

“Goodnight Matt.” Josh made a contented noise in the back of his throat and gripped Matt’s hand even tighter. “And thank you. For everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!! Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> Come check me out on Tumblr: treble-child.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the bath, before the second day of the trial.

Matt grumbled to himself as he buried his face into his, no Josh’s, pillow and he reached blindly to smack at the alarm clock only to realize that the sound he was hearing wasn’t the alarm clock at all. In fact, what he was hearing was probably the furthest thing from an alarm as it almost sounded like someone was singing and that someone sounded a whole lot like the dark haired boy that he had fallen asleep with the night before.

“Josh?” Matt called after he sat up and realized that he was alone in the bed. “Josh is that you?”

Whether or not the singing stopped and Josh answered then was of no consequence as the real alarm suddenly went off from the nightstand. Matt, though, was much more awake and easily able to turn and slam his hand down on the offending device. However,  no sooner had his hand landed when a slightly paler, slightly larger hand, fell on to his, and as Matt looked up the sight that greeted him was much different than the one that he had been so used to seeing lately. Standing above him, and actually smiling, was a showered and almost completely dressed Josh.

“Morning!” Josh chirped and ran a hand through his dampened hair.

He still hadn’t moved his other hand from the top of Matt’s and that left the younger to wonder if he was still dreaming. Josh, who had been utterly opposed to most contact for what seemed like forever, who had needed to be coaxed out of bed for the past month, who hadn’t been able to really function at all since his release from the hospital was now standing there smiling, showered, and looking happy.

“Morning.” Matt said a bit warily. “You’re awake….before the alarm?”

Josh actually laughed at this, fucking _laughed,_ and Matt couldn’t help but smile then because it had been far too long since he had heard that glorious sound.  However, as the pair continued to laugh, Josh seemed to grow slightly self-conscious and pulled his hand away from Matt’s to cover his mouth. Matt would’ve been lying if he had said that he didn’t miss the weight or the feeling it conjured.

“Well yeah, I guess that is pretty weird, huh?” Josh said and let out a few straggling chuckles and shrugged his shoulders, a slight movement still laced with shaking. “I just slept really well last night, I suppose.”

Matt nodded slowly and realized that he had slept incredibly well too. In fact, he had slept better last night than he had the whole time that he had been staying at Josh’s apartment. He felt truly and completely rested for the first time in, well, a really long time.

“That’s good.” Matt said and finally extracted himself from the covers on the bed. “Are you done in the bathroom? I need to get ready.”

“Yeah.” Josh nodded slowly. “Do you think that we would have time for breakfast this morning too? I am actually kind of hungry.”

“What?” Matt let it slip out before he could stop himself. Josh hadn’t really been eating a whole lot lately. Usually Matt had to force him to eat even half of a plate of food.

“I’m hungry.” Josh said and played with the still undone buttons of his shirt. “You know that thing that happens when your body needs nourishment and you need to EAT to provide it with said nourishment or else you eventually die?”

Matt shook his head and shot Josh a playful grin as the older boy gave him an absolutely shit eating smile.

“I suppose that I can make you something after I shower. I mean, if it is a matter of life or death.”

Josh laughed again although it was a bit more subdued and didn’t speak again until Matt had almost disappeared into the bathroom.

“Thanks Matty!” He nearly whispered but still managed to retain a shy smile.

Matt simply nodded and shut the door a bit too quickly behind him because at that moment all he wanted to do was catch that smile, those lips, between his own. Matt had always felt something special for his older band mate but never acted on it and he wasn’t sure that Josh was in any position where it would be appropriate to do so now. However, as long as Matt could make him happy, as long as Matt could slowly bring Josh back to how he had been then Matt would do anything and everything it took. It was worth it to see that smile. It was worth it because he was starting to think that maybe Josh could love him back. And the idea that Josh could potentially love him back was all the motivation Matt needed to hurry through his shower because that would leave him more time to make Josh breakfast before the second day of the trial; a day that he knew would be taxing for them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was honestly more filler than anything and for that I apologize. However, the next chapter will finally have some good stuff in it. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go poorly at the courthouse. Matt and Josh make some progress in their relationship.

The trial, as Matt had assumed, went terribly. Day two had been primarily reserved for the defense and no sooner had Evan taken the stand to give his twisted and obviously contrived portion of the story than Josh started to sob and shake. It pained Matt to see Josh like that especially after he had been laughing and joking around during breakfast, in the car, and even in the lobby before the court had been called to order. It hurt Matt even more because for those several hours that they sat in the overheated room he could do nothing to comfort the man that he was starting to love more and more each day. Now that they were alone again in the car, though, Matt was still having difficulty comforting his best friend.

“Josh,” Matt tried his most comforting voice and reached out to grasp Josh’s hand after pulling into the driveway and putting the car in park. “Josh, it’s going to be okay. I swear. No one in their right mind would believe that bullshit story that Evan told today.

It seemed that the mention of Evan only spurred Josh’s break down though and by the time Matt practically manhandled Josh into the flat the older man let himself be dropped on the bed before curling into a tight ball. Matt was at an utter loss as to what he should do, so after several minutes of fighting himself he finally just gave in, shed his shoes, and climbed into the bed next to Josh. For a few minutes he just laid there listening to Josh hiccup and sob but eventually he reached out and pulled the huddled singer close to his chest.

“Shh Josh.” He whispered into the dark hair while rubbing both of his hands up and down Josh’s back. “I know that you are upset but you are safe okay? You just need to calm down. I’ll keep you safe.”

Josh continued to bawl but after several minutes he did relax enough to straighten his body, snuggle his body even closer to Matt’s, and wrap his lanky arms around the guitarist’s waist.

“’M sorry.” Josh mumbled into Matt’s chest. “I am so sick of acting like a teenage girl, but sometimes I just can’t help it.”

“Josh,” Matt shook his head and pressed a quick kiss into Josh’s hair without thinking. “You need to stop apologizing. How many times do I need to tell you that this isn’t your fault?”

“But it sort of is Matt,” Josh pulled back and frowned deeply as tears continued to stream down his face. “I mean, if I had just fought harder or not gone out alone or not gone out in the first place this wouldn’t have happened. I could’ve done something, anything, to get away and I did—.”

“Josh!” Matt said sternly to cut off the older man’s rambling and then before he could think too much of it he pressed his lips to Josh’s.

At first, Josh didn’t react and Matt was concerned that he had gone too far too quickly, but eventually Josh let out a small sigh and began to move his lips against Matt’s. It was simple for a while—just lips and tentative touches—but as the two continued to work against each other Matt grew more bold and pushed his tongue at the seams of Josh’s lips. Josh, who had been making small sounds at the back of his throat pulled back quickly and Matt could see that he had stopped crying, but his face was still littered with drying tears.

“Matt?” Josh questioned and bit at his swollen bottom lip. “What are you doing? What are we doing?”

Matt worried his own lip as Josh continued to stare at him. The two were still turned on their sides and Josh still had one of his hands resting on Matt’s hip, but Matt could see the uncertainty, the fear, dancing behind the blue eyes facing his own brown ones.

“I—I just—Um,” Matt fumbled to find the words he wanted to say and let his hand slip from its place on Josh’s hip to play with the hem of Josh’s now partially un-tucked shirt. “God, Josh! I just wanted to make you feel better and I just—I love you okay? I’m sorry if it was too soon or too much but I just couldn’t help myself anymore. I hate seeing you so upset and I thought that maybe if I showed you how much I care—”

“You what?” Josh whispered just loud enough for Matt to stop his mumbling.

“What?” Matt asked even though he had heard Josh clearly the first time.

“You said that,” Josh took a shallow breath before continuing. “You said that you love me.”

“Yeah,” Matt smiled shyly. “I did.”

“And you mean it?”

Matt shook his head and let a small laugh bubble from his lips. Josh looked so unsure and so hopeful at the same time that Matt felt a little lightheaded. Josh would never know how beautiful and deserving of love he really was and Matt wanted nothing more than to show him. So, with one final smile Matt pushed Josh on his back and crawled over top of him supporting his upper body on his hands that rested on either side of Josh’s head and let his body from the waist down align itself with Josh’s. The singer squeaked at the sudden movement but made no move to push Matt off. Instead, Josh seemed to relish in the closeness and laced his hands behind Matt’s neck to play with the hair there as Matt dipped his head to Josh’s neck and began to place open mouth kisses to the pale skin.

“I mean it, Josh.” Matt breathed into Josh’s ear and continued to litter his jaw, cheeks, and neck with kisses while moving his hands down to rest on Josh’s still clothed chest.

Josh hummed but then let out a small gasp when Matt finally made a move to work at the buttons of the singer’s shirt and added a little bit of pressure to Josh’s hips with his own.

“Is it okay if I do this, Josh?” Matt stilled his movements as Josh took a couple ragged breaths. Matt only wanted to make Josh feel better and he knew that if he pushed too fast it would make the older man withdraw. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to.”

Josh stared at Matt as if he was still trying to decide for himself what he wanted.

“I don’t want to go all the way.” He said and then cringed when he realized that he sounded like a scared adolescent.

“We don’t have to, Josh.” Matt smiled. “This is all about you. I only want to do whatever it takes to make you feel good. I want to help you feel better; to feel loved.”

Matt knew it sounded a bit cheesy but it was the truth and it seemed to work as Josh rutted ever so gently up into Matt.

“It’s gonna be okay, Josh.” Matt said one last time and planted a chaste kiss to Josh’s lips.

Josh smiled and blushed a bit but he also nodded and that was all the encouragement Matt needed to undo the buttons on Josh shirt and slide it from his body as he kissed down the pale expanse of skin.

“You’re so beautiful.” He said lovingly when he reached a small scar by the singer’s left hip, just above the hem of his pants.

Josh simply mewled and pushed his hips from the mattress as Matt sucked a small mark into the skin and worked at the zipper of Josh’s pants before pulling them down along with the older man’s boxers.

“Matty,” Josh whined and reached down a hand to grip at Matt’s shoulder. “Please.”

“Shh,” Matt soothed and ran one of his hands gently across Josh’s thigh as he pushed Josh’s shoes, socks, pants, and boxers off completely and to the foot of the bed. “What do you want from me Josh?”

Josh once again looked a bit confused when Matt looked up to meet the other’s eyes. It made Matt’s heart beat a little more rapidly and he quickly worked his way back up the bed to kiss Josh again on the lips. This time, Josh granted Matt full access and the younger didn’t even have to fight for dominance as Josh went completely pliant when Matt ran a hand over his ribs.

“Can you just,” Josh started when the two finally pulled away from each other for air. “Will you just touch me?”

Matt gulped down the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat because Josh actually wanted this and sat up against the headboard with his legs spread out in a V. He was still fully clothed and the movement caused his own hard-on to rub a bit against his pants uncomfortably, but he willed himself to ignore it because this was all about Josh right now.

“C’mere.” He smiled and patted the space between his legs and Josh gently crawled to sit in between them leaning back so that he was resting on Matt’s chest and his head could tuck into the crook of Matt’s neck. “Now you are sure you want this?”

Josh didn’t answer but pressed a kiss to Matt’s neck and rested his hands on Matt’s thighs, and that was all the motivation the younger needed to reach around Josh and grasp at his length, which was sitting hot and hard against his stomach. Josh gasped at the sensation and instantly tightened his hold on Matt’s pants, but Matt didn’t let go deciding instead to tighten his grip and wrap his other arm around Josh’s ribs. He gave Josh a few seconds to get used to the feeling of his hand and once Josh’s breathing had evened out a bit and he started sucking gently on Matt’s neck Matt began to pump his hand. The movement was slow at first, but eventually Josh began to buck up into Matt’s hand each time he dragged his hand down the shaft and so Matt sped up and tightened his grip: twisting every few strokes and running his thumb along the tip which was already leaking quite steadily. After about 5 minutes of this, Josh’s breath had become ragged once more and little mewls and pleas were pouring from his lips as if he had no more control of his thoughts or his words.

“Please,” Josh cried, his grip knuckle-white on Matt’s pants and his breath coming in fast, warm waves across the juncture of Matt’s neck and shoulder. “Please Matty. I need this so bad. I wa—want to—need it.”

Matt sped up his hand and used his other to try and comfort his overwhelmed band mate by running it gently up and down his side.

“It’s okay Josh.” He said and rested his chin on the singer’s head. “Come on. It’s okay.”

Josh continued to plea nonsensically but it seemed that Matt’s words did the trick because, shortly after, Josh let out a small cry and came all over his stomach and Matt’s hand. Matt simply cooed and worked Josh through his orgasm before gently pushing Josh from his lap and laying him out flat on the bed.

Between Josh’s rutting and pleas, Matt had managed to come too and so he stripped all of his clothes and dropped them in a pile on the floor where Josh’s clothes had fallen.  He then jogged quickly to the bathroom where he wet a washcloth and returned to Josh’s side. Josh was still breathing somewhat heavily and his eyes were closed tight but there was also a small smile playing at his lips and that made Matt feel a bit better as he lowered himself back onto the bed.

“Are you okay?” Matt asked somewhat sheepishly considering what had just occurred and wiped Josh down. He still wanted a definitive answer even if it would change things more than his earlier confession already had.

Josh was silent for a long time and Matt began to worry at his lip as he finished wiping Josh off and threw the now dirtied cloth to the floor. In fact, Josh was quiet for so long that Matt began to wonder if he had upset him in some other way and Matt was beginning to contemplate leaving the bed—or maybe the whole flat altogether—when Josh finally opened his eyes a crack and peeked at Matt from behind long lashes. His pale cheeks were slightly flushed and the color only intensified when Josh let a full smile grace his face and he reached out to take Matt’s hand.

“I think,” Josh said as he played with Matt’s fingers. “That I will be; but, Matt did you really mean what you said earlier? About how you loved me?”

Matt sighed heavily and lowered himself onto his side beside Josh still allowing the singer to lace their fingers together.

“Josh, I meant every word of what I said earlier. I think that you are beautiful and I definitely love you. I am _in love_ with you. Have been for a while, I suppose.” He said never letting his eyes move from Josh’s.

Josh went silent again for a while and the two just laid there breathing one another in. Finally, Matt spoke again.

“What about you Josh? How do you feel about all of this? About me?”

Josh looked thoughtful and Matt would have thought that to be a bad thing but he knew that his friend wasn’t one for casual hook-ups and would certainly not engage in one with Matt if he didn’t feel some inkling of attraction.

“I’ve always loved you.” Josh finally confessed. “But I’m not who I was before. I—things have changed. I’ve changed.”

Matt sighed because he knew that Josh was questioning this all a bit too much, but he made no move to cuddle closer to his friend. Instead he posed another question.

“Has your love for me changed?” Matt asked simply.

This time it was Josh who sighed, but Matt picked up that it wasn’t out of exasperation but rather fondness.

“No.” Josh said slowly and tightened his grip on Matt’s hand. “You don’t care that I am a mess right now? You don’t care that I will probably be a mess long after this trial is finished?”

“Not one bit.” Matt shook his head and finally pulled Josh to his chest where the elder nuzzled into the tan skin there.

“It will be hard.” Josh said almost as if trying to find a reason why they wouldn’t work, but the doubt in his voice was gone. “This thing with you and me. It won’t be easy.”

“It never was.” Matt replied simply and pressed a kiss to Josh’s hair. “But it will get easier. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! We finally got to a hand job! That's something right? Let me know what you think and feel free to bother me on tumblr. 
> 
> Thanks, as always, for reading!
> 
> ~Haleigh


	6. Chapter Six

_Josh let out a quiet hum as he canted his hips back and forth. All he wanted was to feel more of Matt, more of the younger man’s fingers in him because it felt good, it felt safe, and most importantly it felt like love. Everything in that moment felt like love especially when Matt looked up from where he was carefully inserting his third finger to meet Josh’s hooded gaze._

_“You’re so beautiful, Josh.” Matt said and leaned forward to press a kiss to Josh’s stomach and the scar on his hip that Matt always gravitated to. “You’re amazing!”_

_Josh sighed and let his eyes fall closed for several breathtaking seconds as Matt continued to kiss along the scar, but when Matt suddenly removed his fingers and jammed his length in without lubricant Josh nearly rocketed into a sitting position and his eyes sprung open._

_“Matt, wh—what are you doing?” He cried out and tried to squirm further up the bed, anything to escape the searing pain that was now shooting up his spine and through his legs. “You—you’re hurting me! Matt please, please stop!”_

_Matt looked up then and as his hands gripped harshly at Josh’s hips and he continued to thrust his eyes hardened. In fact, the person that Josh was watching was beginning to look less and less like Matt and more like Evan and that was enough to make Josh scream. However, his scream was cut off as the person smashed Josh’s lips with his own in a kiss that was all teeth and the previous feeling of safety and love was shattered._

_“Please Matty?” Josh gasped when they pulled apart for air. “It hurts.”_

_Matt had completely vanished though and Josh’s pleas fell on deaf ears and the man between his legs continued to piston in and out of Josh as laughter bubbled from his lips._

_“Oh Josh,” Evan sneered and removed one of his hands from Josh’s hip to grasp harshly at his erection. “I know that it hurts but you wanted this. I thought that you wanted to feel loved Josh?”_

Josh rocketed into a sitting position as a scream tore from his throat. His body was shaking, his breathing ragged, and the nightmare was still playing over and over behind his watering eyes. Even worse, though, was as Josh tried to twist himself out of the sheet he realized that he was alone in the bed that he had fallen asleep in with Matt just a few hours earlier.

“Matt!” Josh screamed without a second thought and finally managed to throw the sheet to the side only to stumble from the bed and fall to the floor, his legs shaking too harshly to keep him upright.

“Matt! Matty!” Josh’s screams died down to wheezy pleas as his breathing continued to vex him with its shortness. “Please Matt I need you.”

The last bit came out as a whisper but it didn’t seem to matter because before the first of yet another round of tears could fall Matt came barreling through the bedroom door still naked but looking considerably less relaxed than he had earlier.

“Josh what’s wrong?” He asked and then ran and dropped down next to where the singer was still sitting on the floor. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Josh wanted to answer, wanted to tell Matt all about the terrible dream, but he couldn’t find the words or the breath even if he had the words and so he whimpered instead. That was all it took, though, and Matt quickly bundled Josh up in his arms and used one of his hands to cradle the older man’s head to his chest right by his heart.

“It’s alright.” Matt tried to soothe and ran his fingers gently through Josh’s hair. “I’m right here. Do you want to talk about it?”

Josh shook his head and tried to bury his face in Matt’s chest instead.

“You weren’t here though.” He cried miserably and wrapped his arms tightly around Matt’s torso. “You left and I didn’t know where you were.”

“Oh Josh,” Matt started causing Josh to flinch at the familiarity of the words if not the tone from his nightmare. “I didn’t leave. My phone rang and I didn’t want to wake you so I took the call out into the living room.”

“You got a call?” Josh questioned and pulled his head back to look at the clock. It was only 5:30am.

Matt smiled and moved his hands to grip underneath Josh’s arms.

“It was your mother.” Matt shifted and began to stand, pulling Josh up with him. “Apparently, the judge from your trial has got a nasty case of food poisoning and they have to postpone the trial until he is feeling better. We get the day to ourselves.”

“Oh.” Josh stated dumbly and let Matt guide him back into the bed.

Soon enough Matt was lying on his back and had guided Josh’s head back to his chest and was sliding his hand lazily up and down Josh’s arm. Josh was still feeling slightly shaky from his dream but he had to admit that the feeling of Matt’s heart by his ear was comforting and the slide of Matt’s warm hand on his arm was slightly arousing.

“Matt?” The singer breathed after several minutes had passed and Matt had furthered their contact by twining their feet together.

“Hmmm?” Matt hummed and pressed a kiss to Josh’s head.

“It was about you. The dream, I mean.” Josh said before he could think any more about the implications of sharing such a horrible experience with the one man who was actually showing him affection.

“Josh,” Matt said and Josh could feel his heart rate increase. “You don’t have to share—.”

“No!” Josh shook his head and struggled out of Matt’s grasp to sit up. The only form on contact he kept was by placing his hand on Matt’s torso. “I want to tell you about this one. I think I need to.”

Josh sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth then and as he downcast his eyes he tried desperately to control his shaking limbs. He just wanted Matt to understand how messed up his head was right now— how messed up a relationship with him would be right now—and Matt seemed to pick up on the tension because he nodded and pushed himself up which caused Josh’s hand to drop and lightly brush a very intimate place of his band mate’s body.

“Okay.” Matt nodded and reached down to move Josh’s hand when the singer couldn’t find the strength to do it himself. “Okay, I’m all ears.” 

Josh sighed deeply and tightened his grip on Matt’s hand when the younger tried to pull away.

“Well… we were—we were making love. I mean we hadn’t actually made it very far yet. You just had your fingers inside of me and it felt really good but then suddenly you just pushed yourself into me but it wasn’t you anymore and when I asked you to stop you wouldn’t.” Josh had started crying again and he knew he was rambling but he felt like once he started he couldn’t stop. “It hurt so bad and I asked _you_ to stop but it wasn’t you it was—it was Evan and I knew it was him but I wanted it to be you and I wanted it to be good but I was scared and in pain and—oh god.”

Josh cut off suddenly as the words got lost in how much anxiety he was feeling. He had just admitted to Matt that he wanted to be loved by him but he was too fucked up to separate the fear of his first time with a man from the fear that he had felt when Evan had been in control of his life. He thought then that he really wasn’t ready for love because how could he throw himself whole-heartedly into a relationship with Matt if he was still so afraid of people, afraid that Matt could be the next person to hurt him if he got any closer? But then again they had been closer than ever for the last few days and that had only been the real time that Josh had felt safe since the ordeal that was his abduction. Maybe Josh was really just confused and that was what was scaring him the most. He had no idea how to react to the things that were happening and he was beginning to panic under the whirlwind that was his life.

“Hey.” Matt’s voice and the weight of his hand pulled Josh back from the ensuing breakdown. “Hey now! I am here and I would never, NEVER, hurt you like that.”

Josh hiccupped and moved his free hand to swipe at his eyes and under his nose.

“How do I know that Matt? I’m so used to being hurt. It’s only a matter of time really.”

“No.” Matt shook his head earnestly and moved Josh’s hand to his lips where he kissed each knuckle in turn before planting a kiss to the older man’s palm and left his lips there. “No Josh, it is not just a matter of time. I love you and I will always love you. Now let me love you. Please.”

Josh squirmed as his body reacted rather suddenly to Matt’s warm breath on his palm, a reaction that only became more intense as Matt moved his free hand to Josh’s chest and pushed the singer onto his back before climbing over top of him. Josh realized almost instantly that the guitarist was hard—something that had probably started when Josh had brushed him earlier— and he knew where this was ultimately going. After first letting Matt touch him, Josh had felt so content that the two had explored each other in various ways and mostly with their mouths until Josh had come twice more and fallen asleep. Now, Josh was frightened and vulnerable but something like anticipation and want was churning in his gut and Matt was looking at him with such big, open eyes that Josh couldn’t help but feel a little lighter. So, Josh resisted the urge to run and instead wrapped his arms under Matt’s to place his hands on the backside of the younger’s shoulders as Matt placed a gentle kiss to the side of Josh’s mouth.

“What do you say?” Matt asked after placing more feather light kisses to Josh’s face and neck before returning his gaze to Josh’s. “I really want this and I could make it so good for you Joshy. So good.”

Matt punctuated his last statement by gently rocking his groin into the singer’s which caused Josh to let out a wanton moan. He hated to admit it, but he really had wanted to go all the way with Matt the first time—had wanted to go all the way with Matt for a long time—and now that he was finally being presented with the opportunity he couldn’t resist his body’s urges. He was frightened, sure, but his fear would always lose out under Matt’s presence.

“I—I.” Josh stuttered as Matt continued to rock against him. “Okay.”

Matt let out a low chuckle then, and as Josh let a small whine pass his lips Matt placed one lingering kiss to the mark he had left on Josh’s collarbone earlier before pushing himself up into a sitting position between Josh’s legs.

“Do you have lube?”

“In—i—it’s in the drawer.” Josh gulped in a big breath as Matt reached across and pulled open the top drawer of the nightstand.

It took several seconds but soon enough Matt was pulling the small black tube from the very back of the drawer along with a condom. Josh didn’t even realize what he was doing before his hand made contact with Matt’s arm.

“Um,” Josh paused for a moment as Matt settled back to his previous sitting position but made no move to extract his arm from Josh’s grasp. “Y—you don’t have to use that.”

Josh removed his hand then as Matt’s eyebrows quirked up for a brief moment before he seemed to expel all the air from his lungs in a way that resembled something like awe.

“Are you sure?”

“Y—yeah,” Josh cleared his throat and took a moment to regain some control of his breathing.  “Yeah, I am. I mean this is my first time and, well, I trust that you are, well urm, clean.”

Josh could feel his face screw up at how stupid it all sounded but to his relief Matt simply chuckled and smiled fondly. Then, without words, Matt tossed the condom aside and opened the cap of the lube before squeezing out a generous amount onto his fingers and spreading it around. Then, with great care he reached with his still clean hand for a spare pillow and didn’t even have to ask for Josh to understand that he needed to lift his hips and lower back from the bed. It was only after the pillow had been situated that Matt leaned forward to press a lingering kiss to Josh’s lips and a slightly cold, slick finger to Josh’s rim.

“Can you spread your legs just a bit for me?” Matt whispered and sat back up to make sure he could see what he was doing.

Josh sighed and tried not to tense as he complied with Matt’s request only to have that one finger press more firmly at his opening. His choked off whimper when Matt’s finger entered completely did not go unnoticed however and even with his eyes screwed shut in discomfort Josh knew that Matt was probably looking at him with concern.

“Are you okay? This might be easier if you were on your hands and knees.” 

Josh’s eyes snapped open at that and he immediately sought Matt’s eyes through the fringe that had fallen in his own

“I—I’ll be fine. I j—just want to be able to have it like this. I want to see you.”

Matt smiled again and Josh couldn’t help the smile that fought its way through the slight sting that he was feeling still.

“Can I move my finger then? I promise that I won’t add another until you are ready.” Matt’s concern was laced with a lusty growl and Josh decided that he liked that sound on Matt.

He liked the whole situation even more when, 5 minutes later, Matt had two fingers in him and the sting was replaced by an incredible sensation that only occurred when Matt crooked his fingers. Josh was a bit embarrassed by the loud moans and high whimpers that he emitted but the sounds only seemed to spur Matt on as he continued to crook his fingers every so often while still scissoring them continually to prepare Josh for what he now knew was what he absolutely wanted.  Josh’s discomfort had pretty much vanished and he was just beginning to think that a relationship with Matt would be worth it when Matt began to push in a third finger and the fear spurred by Josh’s dream returned. Almost immediately, Josh felt his breathing begin to go ragged and without even thinking about it he braced his hands on the bed and tried to push himself away from Matt.

“Whoa,” Matt exclaimed and immediately ceased the movement of his fingers although he left them where they were still partially buried in Josh. “Hey it’s just me Josh. Just me. You’re okay.”

Josh continued to struggle for several more seconds but then Matt moved from his position to lean over Josh completely and when the older man looked up and saw the familiar look of worry he instantly quieted. It never seemed to matter how Matt was looking at him. The younger of the two just had this way that brought Josh back to himself.

“It’s just me, Josh.” Matt breathed and pushed his fingers in a bit more when Josh relaxed again. The stretch caused Josh to whimper but he didn’t move. “It’s me making you feel this good. It’s me loving you. It will only ever be me.”

With that, Matt leaned down and kissed Josh gently on the lips. He made no move to deepen the contact and for that Josh was somewhat thankful. He already felt full enough with Matt’s fingers now pumping in and out of him at a steady pace. He could only imagine what it would feel like when Matt replaced those fingers with his length.

“Matt.” Josh breathed when the guitarist pushed his fingers in again and crooked them just right. Their lips were still touching and the slight brush made Josh feel tingly. “Matt, I—I think that I’m okay now. I’m ready.”

Matt hummed lowly but removed his fingers and once again sat back to look Josh in the eye.

“Are you sure?”

Josh nodded his consent and Matt moved, almost as if he had been waiting for this moment his entire life, to pour some lube over himself. It was only after he had stroked himself a couple of times and positioned his head at Josh’s rim that Matt spoke again.

“This might sting, baby. Just tell me if it is too much.” Matt sounded concerned and aroused as he gripped Josh’s hips.

Josh hummed and as Matt slowly pushed in the older boy realized the truth of his boyfriend’s words. It stung so badly, in fact, that Josh let out a loud cry and tried to clamp his thighs shut around Matt’s hips. Instantly, Matt stilled and reached up to push Josh’s fringe from his face, but after several long moments Josh relaxed enough that Matt continued his thrust. Soon enough, Matt was buried deep and Josh wanted to cry with how good it felt. Instead, he moaned and then whined when Matt lowered his body on top of Josh’s so that the guitarists stomach provided much needed friction to Josh’s own leaking cock.

“Ngh.” Josh groaned when Matt began to move ever so slightly in and out of his body. “F—feels good, Matty.”

“Yeah?” Matt asked and began to lengthen and quicken his thrusts. “You feel good around me too, Josh. So tight!”

Josh simply huffed in reply, but the sound of exasperation soon turned to a sound of lust as Matt kissed the singer tenderly but needy on the lips. Josh moaned outright into the kiss and as Matt sought entrance, Josh arched his back and let his hands rest on the guitarist’s neck and his legs twine around those tan hips that he had admired for so long. He couldn’t believe that they had actually made it this far and as Matt finally found that spot inside of him that made something hot coil low in his stomach and groin, Josh broke away from the kiss to look his band mate in the eyes. What he found there was not only a look of want but something that was exactly like love.

“You okay, babe?” Matt ground out as he continued to rock into Josh.

 Matt’s abdomen was still creating friction and Josh knew that they were both getting close. So close in fact that Josh couldn’t even speak and instead buried his face in Matt’s chest and tightened his grip on the younger man’s shoulders.

“Hey,” Matt’s voice was soft despite his ragged breath. “None of that, Josh. I want to see you when you come.”

Josh groaned again but complied with Matt’s request and pulled back. He felt the need to come and he knew that he should but he just couldn’t let go.

“C’mon, babe.” Matt huffed and gripped at Josh’s hips tightly. “Let it go. I’m right here. I will always be right here.”

With that, Matt gave one last hard thrust and Josh could feel the brunet spilling out and filling him up. It seemed to be all Josh needed, though, because within seconds the singer threw his head back on the pillows and came with a loud cry of Matt’s name causing the man on top of him to collapse completely and smile into the singers shoulder. The couple stayed like that for several minutes before, with a small kiss to Josh’s shoulder, Matt pulled away and retreated to the bathroom. When he came back a few seconds later, he was carrying a wet cloth and his hair looked a bit mussed from when Josh had reached up a hand to grip at it during climax.

“You doing alright?” Matt asked as we wiped gently around Josh’s chest, stomach, and groin. “You look beautiful like this.”

Josh rolled his eyes but smiled dopily at Matt’s endearments. Something inside of him had seemed to snap during his orgasm and instead of all the anxiety that had been there earlier now he felt warm and somewhat fuzzy. Maybe, this was what it was to feel content.

“Hey,” Matt tried again after he had discarded the rag and lay down again, wrapping himself around Josh’s body. “You still with me?”

“Yeah,” Josh breathed and lost the fight to keep from cuddling into Matt’s warmth. “I—I just don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Matt chuckled, the rumbling sound causing vibrations to shoot through Josh’s body. The singer didn’t entirely dislike the sensation. “I love you though. I mean it.”

Josh tensed as Matt said the same words that he had uttered the last time they had done anything remotely sexual. Josh really hadn’t been able to say that he had loved Matt then either. Sure, he had admitted that he had always had feelings for his bandmate but then he had talked himself out of fully committing to the feeling by expressing just how much things had changed; just how much he was broken. The fact that he couldn’t say those three little words made him feel physically sick because all Matt was doing for him felt right and he just wanted the guitarist to know that.

“I—I” Josh stuttered and clamped his eyes shut in frustration but before he could say anymore Matt placed a kiss to his hair and shushed him.

“It’s okay, Josh.” Matt’s voice was soothing despite the frustration that Josh was feeling. “You don’t have to say it yet. Hell! You don’t have to say it ever because I am pretty damn sure that I know how you feel about me. Just know that I love you, alright?”

Josh sighed and lifted a hand to draw nonsensical patterns into Matt’s forearm.  The action alone gave Josh some sense of relief as an overwhelming sensation crashed over him and left him near tears. There was never any pressure with Matt and yet Josh still felt like something was tugging at his heart all the time.

“Alright, Matt.” Josh sighed and stared at the wall where the early morning light was casting a wash of color over the paint. They had a whole free day ahead of them and Josh really wanted it to go well. He deserved at least one good day in the midst of all his hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SO sorry that it has take me so long to post this but I lost my passion for a while there with everything that was happening with my life and university! I am going to try and finish this over Winter Break. As always, thank you so much for reading this!!!


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